Our Unqualified EXPERTS Assess VR Gaits To Detail What YOUR VR Gaming Stance Says About YOU. YOUR VR Gaming Stance Analysed.
CAPITAL LETTERS TO SHOW WE MEAN BUSINESS. Lower case letters to soothe you for a minute. Then MORE capital letters IN different PLACES to hold YOUR ATTENTION and distract you from the fact that some of the assessments THESE FOLKS are about to make ARE probably
SPOILER: THEY MOSTLY AREN’T LEGIT.
Let's do this - YOUR VR Gaming Stance Analysed:
Franklyn Flamtasm on Arms In Constant Motion Gamer
‘The elegance of this pose is sheer beauty. One arm goes up and around, then down, as the other arm also begins to go up then down. Sometimes they both go up. Sometimes both godown. Occasionally not even in sync at all. So many combinations it’s astounding.
‘Neither arm possesses a mouth to speak or ears to hear – How could they? They are only arms? – and yet the two are engaged in a totally pure form of communication with each other. You do this, I do that. This isn’t gaming, it’s life. This is a gamer who lives.’
KOOFmeister K. on Sitting Down Gamer
‘So, uh, this is my favorite gait, and it’s the gait which is sitting down on a swivel chair and just, like, swiveling around, just staring at stuff, looking up and down and all over, and it’s so chill, you know? Standing up is way overrated, and, like, also kind noughties if you know what I’m saying. Kind of… out? You got to make sure that chair swivels well though. Sweet, clean swivel. That’s what I’m talking about.’
Bob Bobsbobson on Legs Wide Apart Gamer
‘Let me tell you, this is the dominant position right here. LWAG is one gamer who ain’t falling over in a hurry, no sir. Scrapes, bumps, earthquakes, this is the pose to BEAT. Except nobody’s gonna beat it, amirite? This is one powerful soul. Connected to the ground like a mighty oak. A mighty oak wearing a headset, and whupping Tetris.’
C.G.M. Greenthorpe on Jogging On The Spot Gamer
‘Ah, I’ve seen this one, many times. The gamer with so much energy in their legs they cannot stop the physical expression leaking out. They may be engaged in the least taxing, most sedate form of play, and yet, and yet… One moment. Do they need to pee, in fact? Ah. Of course. Of course…’
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