This Incredible All-Purpose Road Map Will Get You Lost Fast – In A Way That Could Surprise You...
Deep in the vaults of an enchanted, thorn-covered palace, protected by a band of wolves, elves and faeries, there lay an amazing, all-purpose road map, undiscovered and alone. We can’t tell you how we learned of it, or who broke through the curse of a thousand eras to bring it back into the light.
What we can say, is that this road map is pure magic. Simply put, this map contains the power to disrupt any road trip you might be planning. And by any, we mean ANY. As such, it is the ultimate tool for conjuring vim, vigor and spontaneity in your road travels.
Follow its orders closely, and you’ll be lost quicker than you can say boo to a goose. But, by golly, you’ll have had a fun time getting there. Pure magic, just like we said. The ever-present threat of lupine retribution prevents us from publishing this incredible all-purpose road map in its entirety. We advise you to read on, however, for a tantalizing teaser of what lies therein.
Try its recommendations on your next trip for a spellbinding dose of adventure…
· Thine SatNav sayeth the left path. Turn it off and taketh the right
· Proceed onwards, avoiding all towns that containeth the letter ‘A’ in their names. This measure is for thine own benefit
· Should thou spy an enticing eatery, pull up in your carriage and do not proceed until thou hast repeated this mystical phrase ten times without one slur: ‘Red lorry Yellow lorry’
· Thine SatNav has rebootethed itself. Jettison this servile tool and follow the golden sun, wherever she leads
· If thou cannot see the sun, for now, follow thine nearest cloud in her stead
· Pay heed to the old man who vendeth his fruit by the road. For the knoweth the whereabouts of the best coffee and milkshakes
· Stop when thou art tired. Drink down thine nectarous milkshake
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