Hit the Hills Try-Athlon: An Actual Bird’s Eye View of Hill Sports
The Bird's Eye View - Aah, humans – those ground-bound bipeds. I see those guys wanting to fly like us and failing all the time. I used to laugh, now it makes me kinda sad. They’re too heavy; too clumsy; too… wingless. That has to suck.
They look way more impressive when they’re sticking to what they know. By which I mean the ground. That stuff some of them get up to in the hill territories, for instance. I mean, if it was all heavy and had their kind of limbs that’s the first thing I’d be working on.
Like horseback riding. I’ve perched myself on all sorts of creatures, but mostly when they start moving I gotta fly off. Even when it’s the slowest cow in the herd. I just haven’t got the balance, know what I mean? But humans – well – they just stick their legs either side and hold on with those hand parts they have. Boom! They’re riding!
Man, those opposable thumbs… Do you know what I could do with my own set of opposable thumbs?
Take over the world, that’s what.
As for that thing they call zorbing – sweet geeses! Put me in a bouncy ball and roll me down a hill? Yes, ma’am! We never get the chance to roll, us bird folk. Well, the turkeys do at Christmas, I guess. But they need a sandwich for that particular move if you know what I’m saying. Right? Turkey roll? Yeah? I’ll say no more. Kind of a sore point with our lot.
I perched on the saddle of one of those mountain biking rides a couple of months ago. Not when it was on the move, no – didn’t you hear what I said about the cows? Nah, this two-wheeled critter was propped against the wall of a hilltop drinking house. I kept watching while my pal worked the crumbs in the garden. Anyhow, when the lady owner came out, I skedaddled to the nearest roof tile and stayed watching. As she pushed off racing down the track she looked so dang fly I thought she might take off.
I’d give it a go but my feet wouldn’t reach the pedals. Plus the whole opposable thumb thing and all.
Got opposable thumbs and legs that reach pedals? Do what the bird folk can’t and pledge to attempt our Hit The Hills Try-Athlon challenge. Try these 3 hill sport adventures in one day, and share your story on Instagram:
And check out another of our try-athlon posts here